Guide to healthy dating together we can end domestic sexual violence.
Guide online dating
Before creating an online dating profile or account, take a step back and think about yourself. What’s important to you? Get to know yourself better. Consider your boundaries, your values etc. This can all help to build confidence as you ‘put yourself out there’.Guide to Healthy Dating
Dating is one of life’s great joys. That ‘butterfly in the stomach’ feeling when you’re meeting someone new, the excitement of not knowing where that connection will take you and whether sparks might actually fly. Will they become your future partner, someone to enjoy some spontaneous fun with or a close friend? Whatever path it takes, dating should always be fun and safe.
Below are some steps to consider when dating, both to keep yourself safe, but also being aware of the impact your behaviour may have on others.
Dating Guide Part 1: Dating Apps
1. You, you, you!
Before creating an online dating profile or account, take a step back and think about yourself. What’s important to you? Get to know yourself better. Consider your boundaries, your values etc. This can all help to build confidence as you ‘put yourself out there’.
Don’t try to be someone you’re not. It’s well documented that people are more attracted to authenticity. But that doesn’t mean that you need to share EVERYTHING. Just like in real life, be cautious of what you share digitally. For example, do people really need to know the street you live in? As with any digital profile, you can put yourself out there without putting ALL of yourself out there.
When you do create that profile, be honest about your age and use authentic photos. You’ll be quickly found out if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, unlikely to lead to success, as well as potentially getting you banned from the dating app.
2. Respect Starts From the First Match
Be interested to be interesting. The questions you ask, the way you ask them and when you ask them can be important. Be upfront but be mindful not to ask intrusive or uncomfortable questions.
Everyone’s boundaries are different, yet we can all agree that there are lines we should not cross. Don’t find yourself on the wrong side of the track.
Whether said as jokes or pick up lines, messages that use racist, sexist, homophobic, or able-ist language will always fall flat. What’s more, apps such as Tinder go further and have built-in tech features such as ‘Are You Sure’ that will detect any language in messages that you’re about to send that might be deemed as inappropriate. Pause and think about how the other person will receive your question/message. If you have any doubts— don’t send it.
Equally, don’t feel responsible for how someone else reacts to the boundary you’ve set. If you’ve received an inappropriate message or experienced bad behaviour, don’t be afraid to report it. Aside from all the built-in safety features, dating apps are online communities and rely on their members reporting to create a better experience for all.
Don’t be afraid to take a break. Don’t put pressure on yourself. If you’re not feeling it, take a break from dating and concentrate on yourself, doing something that makes you happy.
3. Let’s Talk About Sex…. But When?
Many daters find talking about sex too early can turn them off— don’t get caught out by asking too soon or too much. Let your match guide the conversation too and you’ll find that happy balance. And let’s be honest, some matches might not even get to the sex talk stage. For some joining a dating app may be their first step into their own sexual discovery. You might find you are spending more of your time talking about your favorite Netflix show— which is totally fine. The end goal isn’t always to get between the sheets!
Talking about sex and intimacy is all part of healthy communication with a partner— just hold off until you’ve established trust and feel comfortable with them. And most importantly, just hold off until you’ve established trust, feel comfortable with them and feel it’s right for you and your match.
Healthy, happy chatting starts and end with respecting boundaries; whether that’s the topic of conversation, the pace of getting to know each other, the frequency of messaging, sexual preferences or knowing when to say goodbye.
4. Practice Reading ‘Red Flags’
Practice reading a profile for potential ‘red flags’ including lack of information, unclear photos, and profile text that indicates sexism, racism, and other undesirable qualities. The majority of people on dating apps will be looking for a new connection however, there are people that may create profiles with bad intent.
A very obvious red flag is if anyone mentions money in their profile or anyone you match with starts discussing money and the fact that they need some (urgently). Regardless of how much of a ‘Romeo’ or ‘Juliet’ they are, always err on the side of caution: where money features as a topic of conversation.
To help you, many dating apps now have photo verification tools to ensure that the photo actually marries to the person. On Tinder, verified photos are shown with a little blue tick and this is worth keeping in mind when looking for potential suitors! There’s even a function on Tinder where you can choose to only view profiles that have been verified.
Try and stay on the app. Many apps have reviewing tools to keep their members safe, but if the conversations move onto other social platforms, it makes it harder for dating apps to help to keep you safe.
And ultimately, whether a connection starts on a dating app or IRL, the rules are the same. Look after number one, which is YOU!